Monday, November 6, 2006
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days." ~ Totie Fields
With no offense meant to either one of my parents or any relatives on the other branches of the family tree (a sturdy oak and certainly not a graceful willow!) I have to say that I did not inherit good genes when it comes to weight or metabolism. As a matter of fact, I inherited genes that are not only fat but they're slow. Slow as in - I have no metabolism. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch!
Because of this double dose of undesirable genes, I have spent a good portion of my life on one diet or another. Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Michael Thurmond, Richard Simmons, SlimFast, etc., etc. I once went on a diet where I ate nothing but grapes for almost a month, another where I ate nothing but hot-air popcorn and drank only Tab, and another where I ate ridiculous amounts of vegetable soup.
Most things don't work for me, even the well-touted and beloved Weight Watchers that seems to work so well for most people. One of the last times I was in a Weight Watchers center I threw my food journal across the room after stepping on the scale and finding out that despite following the program to a "T", drinking the requisite gallons of water, and exercising I had GAINED eight pounds in a week. I believe that was the last time my cousin Amy ever asked me to accompany her!
Since my birthday in September, I have once again been fighting the battle of the bulge(s) and it's been the typical uphill battle. Sometimes I don't know why I bother. Wise sage that he was, my father once told me, "you've got Hart genes and you can spend your whole life fighting them or accept them". Well, nothing for nothing, Dad but Hart genes combined with Orlomoski genes is one heck of a lethal combination as I've got the stubborn Orlomoski genes fighting the fat Hart genes and it seems like a war that will never be won or even end in a moderately peaceful truce!
I tell you, I truly envy those people who can put something in their mouth and not think about what part of their anatomy it's going to stick to! They don't mentally count calories or carbs or points or wonder what they're going to have to give up later to enjoy this particular morsel. Instead they eat it with complete abandon while savoring every single bite without feeling the slightest twinge of guilt. Now there's nirvana!
Still, it's not a fight I'm willing to give up just yet - however I do wish I'd pick an easier time to go on yet another diet rather than just before the holidays! Sigh, my timing has always been bad!
Hey ... are you gonna eat that??