Monday, November 6, 2006

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days." ~ Totie Fields

With no offense meant to either one of my parents or any relatives on the other branches of the family tree (a sturdy oak and certainly not a graceful willow!) I have to say that I did not inherit good genes when it comes to weight or metabolism. As a matter of fact, I inherited genes that are not only fat but they're slow. Slow as in - I have no metabolism. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch!

Because of this double dose of undesirable genes, I have spent a good portion of my life on one diet or another. Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Michael Thurmond, Richard Simmons, SlimFast, etc., etc. I once went on a diet where I ate nothing but grapes for almost a month, another where I ate nothing but hot-air popcorn and drank only Tab, and another where I ate ridiculous amounts of vegetable soup.

Most things don't work for me, even the well-touted and beloved Weight Watchers that seems to work so well for most people. One of the last times I was in a Weight Watchers center I threw my food journal across the room after stepping on the scale and finding out that despite following the program to a "T", drinking the requisite gallons of water, and exercising I had GAINED eight pounds in a week. I believe that was the last time my cousin Amy ever asked me to accompany her!

Since my birthday in September, I have once again been fighting the battle of the bulge(s) and it's been the typical uphill battle. Sometimes I don't know why I bother. Wise sage that he was, my father once told me, "you've got Hart genes and you can spend your whole life fighting them or accept them". Well, nothing for nothing, Dad but Hart genes combined with Orlomoski genes is one heck of a lethal combination as I've got the stubborn Orlomoski genes fighting the fat Hart genes and it seems like a war that will never be won or even end in a moderately peaceful truce!

I tell you, I truly envy those people who can put something in their mouth and not think about what part of their anatomy it's going to stick to! They don't mentally count calories or carbs or points or wonder what they're going to have to give up later to enjoy this particular morsel. Instead they eat it with complete abandon while savoring every single bite without feeling the slightest twinge of guilt. Now there's nirvana!

Still, it's not a fight I'm willing to give up just yet - however I do wish I'd pick an easier time to go on yet another diet rather than just before the holidays! Sigh, my timing has always been bad!

Hey ... are you gonna eat that??


  1. I am a fat, bald guy...hear me munch!! Y'know, I could never trust a skinny cook, and I like my women with a little meat on their bones - call it substance (both in and out!). The only two skinny guys in my family are my brother and my uncle, and they're both weird anyway!
    Linda, do me (and yourself) a favor, and start loving yourself for who you are. If you like to eat (within reason), then bon apetit! Look out for the usual health problems, but for God's Sake be who YOU wanna be. If that means being the one who munches on an extra piece of pumpkin pie over the holidays, so be it! Any guy worth going out with is going to like you for ALL your dimensions: inner AND outer! As for your friends, we love ya no matter what your dress size is!

  2. Anonymous11:59 AM EST

    Goodness Bulldog68 where have you been all my life? Seriously, though, my sister (who just had a baby and is trying the new "You: on a Diet" by Mehmet Oz), sister-in-law (who tends to be a "big girl" and is always on a diet), my mom and I were all discussing this on Sunday because my mom (who is 68 years old and single)was talking about her next diet. Which made all of us younger girls wonder, when does it ever stop? Are we ever going to be able to just relax and not give a damn? Hang in there Linda, I'm right with you on the watching it train as my vaca to SXM is in only 9 weeks and the thought of putting on a bathing suit with my current cottage cheese thighs just sends me into panic mode... would somebody hand me a valium please?

  3. Anonymous3:42 PM EST

    I do Wieght Watchers. You probably gained wieght because you journaled. I did that one week and was so confused. I ran out of points before lunch. I was so stressed out from trying to journal i had to eat a candy bar.

  4. Anonymous1:52 PM EST

    I agree that just for 1 week I would like to be one of those rail thin women that always seem to be eating something.... the ones that twitter and giggle that they eat whatever they want and never put on a pound...(of course i am convinced these women are bulemic and just lying to us all, at least that's what I tell myself in order not to kill them)!

    Anyhoo... I like you Linda seem to constantly be on a diet (except when I'm pregnant.... the only part about that i miss). However, weight watchers does work for me when I use it properly. Since you gave me permission to brag.... I'm down 41 pounds with only 39 more to go :)

    I try to remember my WW leader's motto... nothing tastes as good as thin feels!!


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