Thursday, November 30, 2006

"On the first day of Christmas ..." with a twist for EMS!

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I received the following via a comment on MySpace from Maria, one of the coolest women I know who left her full-time EMT position at American Ambulance to run with Mystic Ambulance (lucky Mystic - poor us!). On the occasions when she does pick up a shift or two at American, she is under strict orders to stop by and give me a hug as she lights up a room just by walking into it.

Even though the Twelve Days of Christmas technically starts on Christmas Day and runs through January the 6th, thank you, Maria, for starting off
my holiday season with a laugh. And all I can say as a dispatcher to all of you EMS folks who feel the pain of this little ditty is ... I'm sorry!!

"On the First day of Christmas, my Dispatcher gave to me ... Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Second Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... 2 MG of Narcan for the out of work person who wants to end it all by taking her husband's pain pills and won't tell me what she took and is feeling suicidal .... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Third day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me .... Three stacked shocks for the 88 year old man who instead of paying the neighbor kid 5 bucks to shovel his driveway, decided to do it himself and have the big one in the driveway ... 2 Mg of Narcan for the psycho chick trying to off herself ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me .... 4 AM in the morning and I have to go to the nursing home because someone has had the flu for like 16 years and all of a sudden needs to go to the hospital .... NOW ... Three Stacked shocks for the full arrested popsicle ... 2 MG of Narcan for Morphine eating Momma .. and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... Five minutes to eat ... 4 AM shuttle call ... Three stacked shocks ... 2 MG of Narcan ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... Six run reports behind because the computer guy can't fix the system ... Five Minutes to eat!!!!!!!!!! ... 4 AM Shuttle ... Three zaps to the chest ... Gonna have a stomach pumped ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... Seven car pile up while everyone was trying to beat the light so they can get into WalMart the day after Thanksgiving thinking they have only 4 dancing Elmo Dolls ... Six reports behind ... Five minutes to eat ... 4AM is way to early ... Three stacked shocks ... 2 of Narcan Pushed ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... Eight flights of steps to walk up to get the 400 pound person who is having shortness of breath since LAST Christmas and can't walk - oh, and of course, the elevator doesn't work ... Seven cars a crunching ... Six reports a writing ... Five minutes to eat ... 4 AM shuttle ... CPR in progress ... 2 MG of Narcan ...and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the ninth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... Nine blankets needed to cover up grandpa because he is freezing and we aren't even out of the house yet but thinks he will get pneumonia and die for all of the 10 seconds we are outside ... Eight flights of stairs ... Should have stayed home and bought off of Ebay ... Six reports I'm writing ... Five minutes to eat ... What the Hell time is it?? ... Should have paid the kid $5 ... 2MG of Narcan ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ...Ten Minutes till I can get a bed in the ER because the nurses are busy figuring out who is going to lunch next ... Nine blankets needed ... Hope fire department is coming ... Seven cars a crunching ... Six reports I need to write ... Five minutes to eat ... Can't you wait till morning?? ... Stick a fork in him, he's done ... Man I hope she shuts up ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... Eleven times I tried to get the heat to work in the back of the truck and maintainence won't take the truck in ... Ten minutes waiting ... Nine blankets needed ... Eight flights of steps to climb up ... Hope you have Progressive ... Give me a new ink pen ... Five minutes to eat ... 4 AM is way too early ... Three Leads all show he's dead ... 2 MG won't touch her ... and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee ...

On the Twelth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me ... a 12 Gauge IV needle that I put into the drunk 19-year old who tried to swing at me ... It is really freezing ... Hope you choke on your sandwich ... Nine blankets for grandpa ...How did you get up here in the first place?? ... Man your husband is gonna be pissed ... Six reports STILL down ... Five minutes to eat ... Better than taking them back ... Hope I recorded the code ... Man, just pass out already! ... and Grandma who fell and hit her knee ... "


1 comment:

  1. ROFLMAO!!! Omigod...I can't see through the tears in my eyes! That was, by far, one of the FUNNIEST renditions of "The 12 Days of Christmas" I have EVER seen! God bless you and Maria for starting December (and the REAL Christmas Season - not the day after Thanksgiving crap) off on the best note ever. This is EMS @ Christmas!

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