********************First and foremost, let me throw a disclaimer out here that the title of this post does not reflect the state of my own nights. Yes, I toss and turn on a regular basis but that's more of an effort to get comfortable rather than worrying about the fact that I am currently "man-less" in my life and scheming as to where, o' where, I might be able to find one.
Truth be told, I don't think about finding the "right" man that much these days (which brings to mind the song "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights"!) but the topic of on-line dating - specifically eHarmony.com - came up in the context of a conversation earlier today with my good friend, Cyndi, from out in the great State of "a lot colder than we have been here in Connecticut this winter" California.
Cyndi has a favorite cousin who called her this morning looking for help in writing a profile for eHarmony. Cyndi and Deanna have a lot in common but that doesn't include writing abilities so I can fully understand Deanna appealing to Cyndi for help as the woman has quite a way with a turn of a phrase. If you folks want to see someone kick some butt in the Saturday Comeback Challenge, I'll have to invite MizCyn on over!
That said, Deanna has decided that the time has come to make her third venture into the wonderful world of men. As they like to say "third time is charm" and Deanna is trying to put the failure of two past marriages firmly behind her as she boldly goes where no woman over the age of 40 wants to boldly go and that's dating. Trust me on this, I know that of which I speak!
Although recently Newsweek was forced to swallow a big mouthful of wedding cake after the 1986 article that stated that "a single woman over the age of 40 had a better chance of being killed by a terrorist" than getting married, one has to wonder what the odds are of a twice-divorced woman rapidly reaching the age of 50 are? Could the odds be better than being mauled by a white tiger while celebrating New Year's Eve in Times Square or being K.O.'d by glacial ice while sipping wine on the deck of an Alaskan cruise or might they be closer to running into Elvis at the local Burger King ordering up a Quadruple Stacker and onion rings?
No doubt eHarmony has worked for some people (my ex-husband himself being one of the success stories) and recently Consumer Reports gave it a decent review in the December 2006 issue but I have my own personal doubts because, truth be told, I've actually tried this - not once mind you - but twice. The first time was because I was curious (hey! it worked for the ex!) and the second time was because I was given a gift subscription for my birthday from my good friend in California!
Why it didn't work for me was probably based on several factors; first and foremost being the fact that I wasn't looking to move to Alaska or the wilds of Wyoming to find Mr. Right (come on now, can't he be somewhere in Connecticut or the surrounding area??) The second reason, as my good friend MizCyn likes to point out, is that I don't do well going outside of my comfort zone - and she's probably right! Stodgy New Englander that I am, I'm not all that adventurous despite my having lived in Calfornia for a good 8 years. Unlike the love of Mexican food that I acquired, I was not able to adopt a sense of the carefree abandon that so many Native Californians not only have but flaunt on a regular basis!
That said, Deanna is - in fact - a Californian and this might work for her especially if Cyndi applies the wit and wisdom that I know she possesses in regards to men - hence the success of her 35-year marriage to her third husband (like I said, third time can be charm!). Now lest you think that Cyndi's 35-year marriage is possessed by a woman who is pushing 95, think again! She's only five years older than I am as far as physical age goes but far surpasses me in the age of wisdom - at least when it comes to men. It seems I have a bad habit of choosing poorly. Who knows? Maybe I would have had better success with eHarmony if I had Cyndi writing my profile rather than doing it myself?
The problem I have with on-line dating, and not just eHarmony, is that I have always subscribed to the belief that a person can be ANYONE they want to be on the computer. A person can be the equivalent of Johnny Depp or Annette Bening when they're sitting on the opposite side of a keyboard but how do you know what they're really like until you meet them face-to-face? Matching two people on twenty-nine personality points doesn't exactly guarantee chemistry when you finally meet someone no matter how many you match on. Sure, it's a start but that's all it is - a start - just like any other blind date out there.
I guess my biggest aversion to on-line dating is that I don't need rejection on a wide-scale basis and that's the only thing it has ever seemed to offer me. It doesn't matter how witty or intelligent or sincere I come across in my profile; most guys take one look at my picture or the fact that I am past the age of bearing them an heir to carry on their family name and they skip right over me looking for a 20-year old Playmate who will look mighty-fine hanging on their arm and every word. Even if I were brave enough to try on-line dating for a third time and let MizCyn write my profile, I just get the feeling it wouldn't turn out any differently than it has in the past. Call me a chicken but I guess I'd rather save my money and my feelings.
As for Deanna, I wish her the best of luck in her search for the right guy and I hope that she is able to find someone who makes her as happy as Cyndi and her husband are together so that they can have something additional in common.
So what about you folks? Anyone else have any thoughts about on-line dating, any success stories, any advice that Cyndi can offer to Deanna to put in her profile that might increase the odds of her appearing on an eHarmony.com commercial in the future? And don't ask me to ask the ex - please!