Thursday, January 11, 2007

"Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need." ~ Bonnie Tyler, Holding out For a Hero

First and foremost, let me throw a disclaimer out here that the title of this post does not reflect the state of my own nights. Yes, I toss and turn on a regular basis but that's more of an effort to get comfortable rather than worrying about the fact that I am currently "man-less" in my life and scheming as to where, o' where, I might be able to find one.

Truth be told, I don't think about finding the "right" man that much thes
e days (which brings to mind the song "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights"!) but the topic of on-line dating - specifically - came up in the context of a conversation earlier today with my good friend, Cyndi, from out in the great State of "a lot colder than we have been here in Connecticut this winter" California.

Cyndi has a favorite cousin who called her this morning looking for help in writing a profile for eHarmony. Cyndi and Deanna have a lot in common but that doesn't include writing abilities so I can fully understand Deanna appealing to Cyndi for help as the woman has quite a way with a turn of a phrase. If you folks want to see someone kick some butt in the Saturday Comeback Challenge, I'll have to invite MizCyn on over!

That said, Deanna has decided that the time has come to make her third venture into the wonderful world of men. As they like to say "third time is charm" and Deanna is trying to put the failure of two past marriages firmly behind her as she boldly goes where no woman over the age of 40 wants to boldly go and that's dating. Trust me on this, I know that of which I speak!

Although recently Newsweek was forced to swallow a big mouthful of wedding cake after the 1986 article that stated that "a single woman over the age of 40 had a better chance of being killed by a terrorist" than getting married, one has to wonder what the odds are of a twice-divorced woman rapidly reaching the age of 50 are? Could the odds be better than being mauled by a white tiger while celebrating New Year's Eve in Times Square or being K.O.'d by glacial ice while sipping wine on the deck of an Alaskan cruise or might they be closer to running into Elvis at the local Burger King ordering up a Quadruple Stacker and onion rings?

No doubt eHarmony has worked for some people (my ex-husband himself being one of the success stories) and recently Consumer Reports gave it a decent review in the December 2006 issue but I have my own personal doubts because, truth be told, I've actually tried this - not once mind you - but twice. The first time was because I was curious (hey! it worked for the ex!) and the second time was because I was given a gift subscription for my birthday from my good friend in California!

Why it didn't work for me was probably based on several factors; first and foremost being the fact that I wasn't looking to move to Alaska or the wilds of Wyoming to find Mr. Right (come on now, can't he be somewhere in Connecticut or the surrounding area??) The second reason, as my good friend MizCyn likes to point out, is that I don't do well going outside of my comfort zone - and she's probably right! Stodgy New Englander that I am, I'm not all that adventurous despite my having lived in Calfornia for a good 8 years. Unlike the love of Mexican food that I acquired, I was not able to adopt a sense of the carefree abandon that so many Native Californians not only have but flaunt on a regular basis!

That said, Deanna is - in fact - a Californian and this might work for her especially if Cyndi applies the wit and wisdom that I know she possesses in regards to men - hence the success of her 35-year marriage to her third husband (like I said, third time can be charm!). Now lest you think that Cyndi's 35-year marriage is possessed by a woman who is pushing 95, think again! She's only five years older than I am as far as physical age goes but far surpasses me in the age of wisdom - at least when it comes to men. It seems I have a bad habit of choosing poorly. Who knows? Maybe I would have had better success with eHarmony if I had Cyndi writing my profile rather than doing it myself?

The problem I have with on-line dating, and not just eHarmony, is that I have always subscribed to the belief that a person can be ANYONE they want to be on the computer. A person can be the equivalent of Johnny Depp or Annette Bening when they're sitting on the opposite side of a keyboard but how do you know what they're really like until you meet them face-to-face? Matching two people on twenty-nine personality points doesn't exactly guarantee chemistry when you finally meet someone no matter how many you match on. Sure, it's a start but that's all it is - a start - just like any other blind date out there.

I guess my biggest aversion to on-line dating is that I don't need rejection on a wide-scale basis and that's the only thing it has ever seemed to offer me. It doesn't matter how witty or intelligent or sincere I come across in my profile; most guys take one look at my picture or the fact that I am past the age of bearing them an heir to carry on their family name and they skip right over me looking for a 20-year old Playmate who will look mighty-fine hanging on their arm and every word. Even if I were brave enough to try on-line dating for a third time and let MizCyn write my profile, I just get the feeling it wouldn't turn out any differently than it has in the past. Call me a chicken but I guess I'd rather save my money and my feelings.

As for Deanna, I wish her the best of luck in her search for the right guy and I hope that she is able to find someone who makes her as happy as Cyndi and her husband are together so that they can have something additional in common.

So what about you folks? Anyone else have any thoughts about on-line dating, any success stories, any advice that Cyndi can offer to Deanna to put in her profile that might increase the odds of her appearing on an commercial in the future? And don't ask me to ask the ex - please!


  1. Well, I did for a little while, no real success stories, but I did meet some nice guys. I think I might have been more successful if I hadn't been pining over another guy the whole time (who I ended up married to and now sometimes wonder what all the pining was about.)

    My tips.... don't even BOTHER with profiles without a picture, if they didn't post one there is a reason why. Be forward... most of the dates I went on were guys where I made the first move, most of the guys that sent me e-mails were LOSERS!!

    Oh well, I'm no expert, but good luck to Deanna.... and Linda I think we need to get you out of your comfort zone more often.....

    Any suggestions MizCyn? Should I take her out and get her drunk? I already aided and abetted getting her pretty sloshed at her house, but I think she was still within the comfort zone line there....

  2. Why thanks, Jen, for the tips. I'll pass them along. My dating techniques may have been effective, as Linda so wryly notes, but they are a bit rusty and Deanna needs more up to date information.

    I can testify to the fact that getting Linda drunk doesn't loosen her up a bit.
    I vaguely remember one night when, having knocked back a few shots with Supermom at a local watering hole, I seem to recall that I was gleefully dancing the salsa on the table with one of the waiters. Meanwhile, this guy was evidencing interest in Linda. Linda, however, was not a bit interested in him. As I recall, she turned down a great opportunity to dance. Personally, I think one should always accept those requests, even if the person asking is not particularly interesting. Being out there on the floor gives one an excellent chance to notice and be noticed, which is not a bad thing when shopping around. I'm afraid our buddy doesn't see it that way, though. Nope, booze isn't the answer...

  3. I have been there, Linda. and endless bars. It had been about six years since I had used the word "girlfriend". Now I do again. It only takes one chance encounter. And NONE of it is your fault...

  4. I'm back...couldn't live with my conscience whining at me to tell the whole truth about my previous comment.

    In all fairness to Linda, the guy who was asking her to dance was, uh, what's that word...sleazy? I see a polyester leisure suit...several gold chains nestled in gray chest hair...wait, my crystal ball died. The display now shows an error message to the effect that it wasn't designed for viewing horror movies.

    I knew I should have bought the extended warranty!

  5. You said it all, bud weiser!

    Linda is a one in a million treasure. Treasures are destined to be discovered!

    When her hunter strikes gold, he will be the luckiest guy on this or any other planet.

  6. Oh Cin....... EWWWWW..... I'm having horrible mental images, poor Linda, at least her "booze goggles" weren't that thick!!

  7. After my divorce in '99 and after the ickiness that follows, I finally became comfortable with being on my own. Notice I didn't say "alone."

    Then I met hubby in chat room, we met for lunch two weeks later and the rest as they say is history!

  8. Thanks for stopping by my Sunflower blog the other day.
    Welcome back anytime.

    I will Exercise for Comments!

  9. Skittles brings up an interesting aside to the online dating issue.

    I believe chat rooms have been far more successful in bringing couples together than any of the commercial dating services have been. I've only anecdotal evidence to support that, but I'd love to see some statistics. Another day, Linda?

    I know of several couples who met through chat rooms, including my brother and his fiance (oddly enough, also named Cyndi). They were meant to be, but probably would have never bumped into each other in the physical world, given the distance between hometowns.

    YAYYYYYYY chat rooms!

  10. Anonymous8:28 PM EST

    Good luck to you with the whole dating thing! I wish you all the best.

  11. Ugh, online dating is to be avoided at all costs!

  12. Ah, Cyndi, Cyndi, Cyndi - what you are neglecting to tell the good folks about that memomorable night way back when is that you had been spending a good portion of the night cozying up to some guy named Jose and he had really gotten you into a party mood. What the heck was his last name again? Let me think ... oh yes, Cuervo, I believe that was it! Jose Cuervo - that was definitely his name and he had a lovely golden yellow complexion if I recall correctly!

    Truth be told I'm rather surprised that you even remember your hot Latin performance on the table considering that many, many brain cells had died prior to you becoming the Dancing Queen of Margarita's! Ah, those were the days, weren't they??

    But, it just goes to show that I am stodgy to the core as even alcohol can't loosen me up enough to lower my ridiculously high standards! Of course, that makes one wonder even more how I managed to marry the second husband! And if there was anything that ever proved that I was right in not wanting to settle - that trip down the aisle would be it.

    Sigh ... I shoulda listened to my father ...

    Bud & Skittles - thanks for the words of encouragement. I know if there is a "right" guy out there somewhere, he'll find me when he's supposed to and not until.

    Shadow - whoever you are - thanks!

    Se7en - thanks for stopping by and I think you're right!

    And Jen - trust me, you don't want to see me out of my comfort zone, it's not a pretty sight! Probably a very good thing I have to work the morning after the upcoming AASI party!

  13. Been married 39 years, forgot all this stuff.....

  14. Linda - I did online dating ad nauseam and became quite allergic. It can be a cesspool of disappointment; people misrepresent themselves all the time. I turned fifty recently and had been through with online dating for quite some time. Then I met someone via blogging, developed a friendship, one thing led to another, we spent some time together and are now quite crazy about each other. It DOES happen. And I know it's cliche, but it really does happen where and when you least expect it. I'm so glad now that I waited and held out for the best. This guy is amazing. And you can tell him I said so.

  15. In 2005 I put profiles on two sites (plentyoffish and yahoo.) I was 47 at the time.
    And, I was absolutely inundated with responses!! Many of which were "canned" - looked like these guys fired off the same intro to every single female profile within a few hundred miles. Many were nice, but not of interest. I had some brief email/IM things ongoing with a few guys for a while...the only one I would perhaps have been interested in meeting lived 1400 miles away, though.
    So anyhow, I thought "well that was interesting" and took my profiles down. End of experiment. My impression was, there's many lonely, weird souls looking online, some players and some really worthwhile people. But, I wasn't interested in going on a zillion dates just to find someone compatible...
    I was honest and put up a few current photos, and I am no raving beauty. I'm officially single, date occasionally (with people I meet IRL) but mostly am comfortable being on my own for now. :)


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