Monday, March 19, 2007

In the beginning ...

I "borrowed" this from The Fire Insider, the blog of one of my friends and former dispatch partners. I told Boukie I was going to re-post it on my blog and he didn't protest so I hope he doesn't mind! Besides, he left us at American to go work at QV Dispatch and we haven't seen him since so I'm not too worried that he'll hunt me down and chastise me severely but if he does at least it will give us a chance to say hi and get caught up other than the times he calls to request a paramedic intercept!

"... In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Queen Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, "Yes!" And Woman said, "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yogurt so that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad". And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them". And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99 cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied, "Yes, And super size 'em". And Satan said, "It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ........ and created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service ..."

11 comments:

  1. Here's a question for ya...is EMS God's Plan, or Satan's??? Kinda makes you wonder, since those of us in the field experience days that are "heaven" or "hell" - you know what I mean, don't you, Linda!??

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  2. Now that was pretty good. I think God created EMS and Satan created 911 so that everyone not having an emergency could call.

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  3. Oh Goodness! Thank you. I was serving baked potatoes two nights ago and trying to tell my son about this joke and now you have provided it.

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  4. I'll watch what I eat now, I've had enough from the NHS for the time being!

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  5. LOL. That's hilarious. :)

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  6. A hilarious piece of writing, Linda..thanks for passing it on.

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  7. That was so good. I needed that laugh today. I truly needed it! Of course, now I want to eat lobster dripping with butter and many other fattening things. mmmmmm

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  8. Linda,
    You left out the ending, which is the best part of it...LOL Miss ya, have a great day at work.

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  9. You know... I know this is supposed to be funny... and it is... but it also seems awfully accurate to me.

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  10. LOL.. glad you stole this :)

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