Saturday, July 5, 2008

Rocket Science 101 - NOT!

Mensa LogoNot feeling like much of a genius these days? Well, not to fear, there are some people out there who say things that make the rest of us look like candidates for Mensa!

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
-- George W Bush
'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'
--Lee Iacocca
'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President
'I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix .'
--Dan Quayle, Vice President
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.' --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey
'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.'
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
Feeling smarter? I know I am! A big thanks to my friend Rhonda for the email!

9 comments:

  1. There's some gems there all right! Mensa material, definitely NOT! But funny all the same.

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  2. The Mariah Carey one killed me!!!

    LOL!

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  3. Things that make ya go
    DUH

    I do think the Mariah Carey one takes the cake...

    damn, now I want cake!

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  4. I'm filling out my application for Mensa as we speak..er..type.
    Thanks for the laugh!

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  5. I don't think Miss Alabama has two brain cells to rub together!

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  6. Too funny. I think I may qualify for Mensa, after reading these.

    Thanks for sharing!

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  7. I gave my dad a day to day calender that has quotes like that for everyday. I thought he'd get a kick out of it.

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  8. OMG, those were great! Thanks for the laugh.

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  9. Darn thing is sometimes I say that one phrase... "When I wake up Dead"

    It's usually in refrence to --- when I am talking about passing away with no pain, no fanfare, no car wreck.. Ya know when you get old it will be great to someday "Wake up Dead"... Just a stupid thing I have always thought... DUH

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