Wednesday, August 27, 2008

"That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."

Ah-ha, well, even though Rhett Butler wasn't talking to me when he said those famous lines perhaps that certainly explains what's wrong with me of late as it's been an extremely long time since I've been kissed by anyone - never mind someone who knows how!

Normally this isn't a predicament that I dwell on, and certainly never one that I've posted about, but I figured what the heck - we're all adults here and I'm not going to write anything that will get my blog an "R" rating or even make for a very scintillating Google search!  After all, I'm not going to be writing about s-e-x or those special rooms in Reno hotels that come complete with hot tubs and mirrors and ... er ... well, I'm not writing about those, okay?  I'm writing about kissing and that's pretty innocent.  Or, in my case, pretty non-existent.

Truth be told, my last kiss was close to six years ago and I'm beginning to think that it's going to be another six years or longer before I have another one. Or, worse yet, I'll go to my grave having never been kissed again.  My family isn't exactly known for their longevity but if I live to be at least my mother's current age that means I'm looking at 24 more years of having only memories of what it's like to be held in someone's arms and kissed.  Not just a passing kiss from a friend mind you, but an honest-to-goodness toe-curling, foot-popping, world-stop-spinning-for-a-moment kiss - that kind of kiss!  I remember those kind of kisses and, right at the moment, I'm missing them and feeling a bit sad in the process.

Having been divorced for quite a long time now and been on one pseudo-date since then, I've come to grips with the whole single woman thing.  As a matter of fact, I ushered it in and welcomed it with open arms when my last marriage ended.  I firmly believed that it was better to be alone than with the wrong person and I still believe that, but I don't think that at the time I thought about the fact that there was a really good chance I'd be alone for the rest of my life.   After all, I was 44 and not considered ancient by too many standards and I don't believe I qualified for troll status where I needed to go live under the bridge and wait for the Three Billy Goats Gruff to come clopping over but ... perhaps I was wrong.

I'm pretty sure I have my good qualities ... I have all my teeth, I can cook, I don't snore, and I don't like to spend all day shopping.  I'm a good friend, a good dispatcher, and a good Mom ... but I'm just not good enough for any man to be anything more than friends with.  I get along great with the male population probably better than I do the female side but only as a friend ... not as someone to take to the movies or to dinner or to kiss.   I've more or less come to terms with that and, for the most part, I'm good with it.  But ... here's the thing ... I'm divorced, not dead.  Yet.  Though I might as well be when it comes to relationships.

Chances are, that's not going to bother me 98% of the time as I still adhere to that "better alone" philosophy I mentioned above but, like a 7 or 11 in a craps game, every once in awhile that 2% of the time is going to come up and I'm going to feel bad for a little while and throw myself a small pity party - this is one of them. By the way, did I offer you a drink or something to eat?  Sorry ... bad hostess ... bad!

If I had to guess, this particular pity party was precipitated while I was thinking about my upcoming "milestone" birthday and what would make it really special or memorable or set it apart from the rest.  Granted, having Claire over from England and then going off to a Rhode Island beach house with some of my bestest blog buddies the week after is special but I don't want my actual birthday to be just another day like most of my birthdays have been.  I want to be able to look back and say "Wow, my 50th birthday was great!" and Lord knows that having an actual kiss would definitely make it so and give me a date to remember other than one from six years ago but I'm also realistic enough to know that White Knights on shining chargers don't come galloping down the road giving away random kisses to damsels in distress no matter how long it's been since she's been kissed.

Too bad fairs don't have "Kissing Booths" anymore ... it is Fair Season out here and that would have been perfect! Alas, I don't think I can find a kiss on eBay or Craigslist or any of the local classifieds either so I'm pretty sure I'll be going without one as even if I put that on a birthday list, it's not the kind of thing you can pick up at the local Wal-Mart and toss in a gift bag.  Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get a hug or two which I do enjoy and appreciate in spite of the vicious rumors that I don't like them and need to maintain my personal space at all times and cost!  Hmpf!  That's just not true!

Anyhow, all that said, I'd like you guys to do me a favor ... if you do have a significant other, I'd like you to give him or her one of those nice long, foot-popping kisses that I mentioned above - especially if you haven't done so in awhile.  I think we sometimes tend to forget to appreciate or take for granted what we have until it's gone and if you've got someone who loves you and you love that someone back then don't just assume that they know.  Show them.  And don't wait for a "milestone" occasion to do it either because sometimes things change and they can change quickly.

Trust me, you really don't want to be me in six years wishing on the evening star that someone loved you or even liked you enough to want to kiss you.


  1. Wow Girl, that is one of my fears. I will kiss my man that loves me so much. I love him back and I have had some reality checks lately and it's been a good thing. I thank you for your post. You make me realize to appreciate what I have...

    Love ya Linda and can't wait to give ya a hug!!!! :)

  2. I feel so sad. For everyone who has felt this way. I wasn't sure I'd ever have another person to share my life with either and I sure do appreciate my second chance.
    I have to believe that the time will come for all of you who are waiting for that perfect person - you deserve the very best.
    I love you, too.

  3. WE kiss at least twice a day minimum. I hope you get a real smackeroo for your birthday Linda. x

  4. That special person could be just around the corner for you, Linda.

    You're a Duchess, after all, and you deserve someone special.

    I envy your ability to be so open in your writing!

  5. gosh i hope some handsome man sweeps you off your feet honey! you so deserve it!

    me? i'm not all that kissy myself. more of a hugger...

    smiles, bee

  6. well, I'd come up there and kiss you if it'd help....but somehow I doubt it'd help. ;-)

    I will however kiss my hubby, as you're right...after 9 years of marriage we just don't do more than the quick peck on the lips very often.

    So far as kissing could go to Mardi Gras and win you some beads! But you'd have to wait a bit for it.

    My advice. You want that day to be different? Throw yourself a party. I did a few years ago and LOVED IT. Although my hubby thought it was narcisistic. I hadn't had an honest to goodness birthday party since I was a kid and it was apparent that no one was gonna throw me that surprise party I kept waiting on.....voila! taken care of. It's worth investing a bit of money and time....Especially since it's your BIG UN!

    love ya friend.

  7. Well, I'll give ya a big hug in two weeks, but I can't help with the kissin' stuff.
    Maybe we can set up our own Kissing Booth on the beach?

  8. Anonymous11:24 AM EDT

    Hug to you and I'll be sure to greet Hank at the door tonight and lay a huge sloppy torrid one on him.

    Of course, he'll wonder what I did wrong...and am trying to beg forgiveness for...LOL!

    Like Bee, I'm more of a hug person.

  9. Done honey. Excellent reality post. I've been where you are. I so remember. Have a great day Linda. Big hug. :)

  10. Great things come to those with patience..

  11. Anonymous2:31 PM EDT

    You should move to'd be one step ahead since you have all of your teeth! But, you don't require the same in return do ya?!


    Just tryin' to make ya smile and show off those purty teeth! :)

  12. I know what you mean, Linda. We all fear not kissing again.

  13. Kissing is the best when you're with someone you love. Not to worry. When you find each other you'll make up for lost time. You're ONLY 50...still very young.

  14. I actually understand your situation. I've done some long droughts as well. Keep plugging. Go out. Get to a singles dance in Glastonbury. Yea, most of the guys are pathetic, but it only takes one!!

  15. You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh...

  16. I'm making you a big ass cake for your birthday.

    It's not a kiss, but chocolate's pretty good. :)

  17. Anonymous10:51 PM EDT

    Try It just might work.

  18. Linda, it's okay to throw yourself a pity party. I think we all have done that. Be patient - your knight in shining armor will come along one of the days, kiss you and knock your socks off. I waited 37 long years for the right man. He finally came along and is the best husband any woman could ask for. But you have to have patience.

    Hope you are feeling better tomorrow, Linda.


  19. You need to stop saying no to my advances. It is your own fault that your sights are set so high. Give us little guys down in the mud a chance. Some of us clean up real purty! :)

  20. Anonymous3:48 AM EDT

    thank you! i'm a newlywed, but even now i'm realizing how much i take for granted. i savored an extra special kiss tonight, thanks!

  21. Well geez Linda.... nothing like baring your soul to the entire blogosphere! You even made me a little teary eyed. I cannot, however, remember the last time I TRULY kissed my husband. Work, kids, schedules.... you just never find the time. I'll have to plant one on him soon. He'll probably wonder if the hormones in the meds I am on are going to my head !!!

  22. Jenn:
    its not the hormones...

    Are you working on your birthday linda?


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