Monday, September 7, 2009

Monday Musings

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it ... thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles ...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.

A big thanks to Jen S. from work for forwarding the email that these came from - every great once in awhile those "forwards" are really worth reading!


  1. I was nodding my head reading all of those but this one

    I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

    brought me out in a cold sweat as it always does! :0

  2. Oh My, I was thinking you were coming up with these.. and then near the end I thought.. there is no way in hell her brain is flipping this crazy on to new thoughts.. I know I do it,but not this crazy fast. But I agree the WORD one also hit a nerve with me... yikes.. I was thinking we didn't have nintendo's when we were growing up??? We had the famous line from our parents "Go outside and play" with the door locked behind us as we ventured out until dusk.... LOL have a great day Linda.

  3. Oh yeah on goals for the year.. you need to scratch off sell one of your photographs.. you have done that... and you know how your archive list is shaped.. it always reminds me off a lady with big hair, big boobs and a big bootie.. LOL I have been meaning to tell you that.

  4. These are good ones indeed. Especially the nap part. I wish you could take a nice long nap.

    Have a terrific Labor Day Linda. Big hug. :)

  5. I don't often write with sarcasm, because it rarely comes across. So these days if I feel the need, I put a "sarcasm alert" notice before my words and a "sarcasm ends" notice after I finish writing.

    A sarcasm font would be great.

  6. sarcasm font??? yes yes YES!!! i want that!

    and my freezer does have a light...

    smiles, bee

  7. Oh yeah, I definitely want that font!
    Truthfully, these all made me giggle! I just came from a sad post so this was what I needed...BTW: I'm stealing them.

  8. Oh yes...on that sarcasm font. These are good ones that started my day (yes, I am late in arriving, or early maybe?) with a smile.

    Have a great Tuesday. Hugs...

  9. I roared at "Regards"... as I end most of my business emails with "Warm Regards" or "Best Regards"... "Best Retards" might not get me as many orders!

    I like the sarcasm font idea.

    When in doubt on the Word dilemma, I always SAVE AS, just in case!

    My freezer and upright freezer both have lights.

    I usually know how to get out of my neighborhood, too!

  10. I want the sarcasm font! I laughed at the thought of you ending that works e mail!

  11. I was laughing hysterically just waiting to compliment you for being brilliant and perceptive ...

    Well you were brilliant and perceptive for reprinting it for the rest of us.

    Since you may be driving coast to coast, you can see the whole trip at my place.

  12. Loved these... and identified with most! :>)

  13. Warmest Retards.... hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!

  14. Those were great. LOVED the one about the Itunes. I am the same way. I am like, why in the heck are these songs even ON my ipod! *LOL*


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