Sunday, January 16, 2011

Passionate Kisses

I woke up the other morning with a song running through my head and again found the same one playing on the iPod in my mind this morning - "Passionate Kisses" by Mary Chapin Carpenter. If you haven't heard it before, feel free to click the play button on the below video so that you'll have something to listen to whilst I pour my heart out onto your monitor screens ...

All set? Okay then ... continuing on ... most of you have probably gotten used to me writing blog posts filled with photographs and tales of my travels peppered with more history than you ever really wanted to learn - posts that seem to have become the norm for this blog - but in the past I've been known to occasionally open up and write from the heart as the way I look at it my life is pretty much an open blog (which might have made a really good title for this blog had I been thinking more creatively back when I first started writing it!) and my life is not always lighthouses and covered bridges, sometimes it's deeper stuff. That being said, I haven't really written from my heart in quite awhile but I'm going to do that today as this is one of those 2% of the times when I throw myself a little bit of a pity-party.

So by now you're probably wondering where does the above song come into play, right? Well ...

A few years ago, in August of 2008, I wrote a post entitled "That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." wherein I lamented that it had been six long years since I had been kissed. Some of you may remember that post and even commented (it got 22 comments which weren't bad at all I must say!) and others may have no clue what I'm talking about but that's okay as I'm probably going to say pretty much the same things in this post that I said back then as sadly, the situation has not changed at all except that the number has gone up. Allow me to quote myself (with a few modifications to allow for the passage of time) and you'll see where I'm coming from ...
"... Truth be told, my last kiss was close to eight years ago and I'm beginning to think that it's going to be another eight years or longer before I have another one. Or, worse yet, I'll go to my grave having never been kissed again.  My family isn't exactly known for their longevity but if I live to be at least my mother's current age that means I'm looking at 24 more years of having only memories of what it's like to be held in someone's arms and kissed.  Not just a passing kiss from a friend mind you, but an honest-to-goodness toe-curling, foot-popping, world-stop-spinning-for-a-moment kiss - that kind of kiss!  I remember those kind of kisses and, right at the moment, I'm missing them and feeling a bit sad in the process.
Having been divorced for quite a long time now and been on one pseudo-date since then, I've come to grips with the whole single woman thing.  As a matter of fact, I ushered it in and welcomed it with open arms when my last marriage ended.  I firmly believed that it was better to be alone than with the wrong person and I still believe that, but I don't think that at the time I thought about the fact that there was a really good chance I'd be alone for the rest of my life.   After all, I was 44 and not considered ancient by too many standards and I don't believe I qualified for troll status wherein I needed to go live under the bridge and wait for the Three Billy Goats Gruff to come clopping over but ... perhaps I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have my good qualities ... I have all my teeth, I can cook, I don't snore, and I don't like to spend all day shopping.  I'm a good friend, a good dispatcher, and a good Mom ... but I'm just not good enough for any man to be anything more than friends with.  It seems like I get along great with the male population probably better than I do the female side but only as a friend ... not as someone to take to the movies or to dinner or to kiss.   I've more or less come to terms with that and, for the most part, I'm good with it.  But ... here's the thing ... I'm divorced, not dead.  Yet.  Though I might as well be when it comes to relationships.
Chances are, that's not going to bother me 98% of the time as I still adhere to that "better alone" philosophy I mentioned above but like a 7 or 11 in a craps game, every once in awhile that 2% of the time is going to come up and I'm going to feel bad for a little while and throw myself a small pity party - this is one of them. By the way, did I offer you a drink or something to eat?  Sorry ... bad hostess ... bad!"
Now all things considered, I've got to give myself a pat on the back for not having had a pity-party in regards to this situation for over two years but for some reason the continued drought of any kisses being rained down upon me has been on my mind lately and that's probably why I woke up with "Passionate Kisses" running through my head the other morning.  Not that the song really applies in any way, shape, or form as I believe the singer is complaining that she's not getting any passionate kisses from her significant other whilst I have no significant other to complain to but the song title is exactly what I was thinking of ... passionate kisses. Granted, I was thinking of my lack of passionate kisses but I think you can sort of follow my reasoning as passionate kisses are exactly what I've been missing.

What I find quite laughable about all of this was that I was just telling my good friend out in California the other night that I was quite content with being a single woman and that I was pretty happy with my life. A good part of that was because of a comment that Miss Bee had left on a post before Christmas that really made me stop and think and appreciate all that I do have.  Bee wrote:
"i just love your life. i mean i love mine too but you have a lovely life, you really do. it may not be exactly what you would have pictured in your perfect world but it's really tits honey! so full of fun and love! don't let anyone bring you down!!!"
Bee is right, this life that I have probably wasn't one that I would have pictured at all as really, who pictures themselves being a divorced-twice single mom working crazy hours at a 911 dispatch center whilst having intermittent back problems and struggling with neighbors who don't speak English very well and have no clue on where to park their $@#*! cars during major snowstorms? Probably no one! I know that I sure didn't but my life is so much more than that and even though I have failed miserably when it comes to loving and being loved I really don't have a bad life by any stretch of the imagination.  That's exactly what I told Cyndi during our phone conversation and I truly do believe that but every once in awhile my mind likes to trip me up and remind me that there are still things about having a relationship that I miss. Being passionately kissed is one of those things.

Of course, it's quite possible that over the course of the last eight years I have totally forgotten what it's like to be kissed with passion and it's just an old memory playing tricks on me but if given the chance, I'd really like to find that out first-hand! Honestly, I really don't want to be sitting here in another two years dusting off this old blog post yet again and passing around virtual hors d'oeuvres at another pity-party. Seriously.

In conclusion, I'm going to quote myself as I think I put it pretty good the first time:    
"... I'd like you guys to do me a favor ... if you do have a significant other, I'd like you to give him or her one of those nice long, foot-popping kisses that I mentioned above - especially if you haven't done so in awhile.  I think we sometimes tend to forget to appreciate or take for granted what we have until it's gone and if you've got someone who loves you and you love that someone back then don't just assume that they know.  Show them.  And don't wait for a "milestone" occasion to do it either because sometimes things change and they can change quickly.
Trust me, you really don't want to be me in eight years wishing on the evening star that someone loved you or even liked you enough to want to kiss you."


  1. Anonymous8:53 AM EST

    Find it within your power and go for it. You need to look to make it happen. There are tons of online services to allow you to meet people. Is there a local singles group? With your love for travel see if there are any single vacation tours available.

    Now I'm not saying to go out and be indiscriminate, but you have to PUT yourself out there to be discovered. Be open...

    Your kids are now legally adults. Nudge them into adulthood and invest some time in you...

    Just a suggestion. That's how I made some wonderful friends and I met Hank through an online dating site. He was "Mr. Friday night" on a three date weekend. Needless to say the other ones didn't come close to making the cut.

    Who knows, maybe this will lead to passionate kisses!

  2. Anonymous8:53 AM EST

    P.S. Friendship sometimes bloom into love...

  3. Anonymous8:57 AM EST

    Sorry, that sounded "preachy". Chalk it off at the mother hen in me.

    I'm just saying who knows what the future holds, especially when you kinda help it along...

  4. It's been about a year since I was kissed passionately, but a year can feel like a long time too...especially when there are few prospects on the horizon.

    I imagine it's quite easy to find someone if you are the type that likes to go out and hang out at bars and that sort of thing...but would you want that kind of man anyway? Live your life how you are and I think that you will find someone, maybe during one of your photography excursions.

  5. Let's see, it's been about 3 yrs since I had a good passionate kiss, and I do miss it. Unfortunately that last kiss was with a lady that had some seriously bad breath. I didn't want another.

    It's not always so great but I feel your pain =)

  6. Wow, I can honestly say that I know exactly how you feel. Our divorce circumstances may have been different - as I still loved my husband when I divorced him, but we were miserable together and after 27 years I knew that was never going to change - but I've been single much longer than you now and I totally get exactly what you mean.

    I miss being part of a couple and want the happily ever after. But I won't settle for anything less. Stubborn, I am. I briefly tried dating and absolutely hated every second of it. I work from home now and practically never go out anywhere any more since moving to GA. And as I warned my parents before they moved in with me, "I ain't easy"... so I know the odds of me ever finding what I want are slim to none.

    I do allow myself the occasional good cry, but then I dust myself off and just get on with it.

    But I haven't totally given up, and neither should you!

    Big hugs :]

  7. Honey, you are loved by many, just not that "Mr. Right" guy. Yet. He may show up one day, but if not, you can be content in your own skin, continuing to do all that you love to do.

    Big hugs, my friend...

  8. You have many many "good qualities" as you say so that is not even up for discussion. But I can so relate and understand your post. I like it when you speak from your heart like this.

    For whatever reason, the last 18 months or so has been a plethora of passionate kisses for me...seriously. It was a year and a half of kisses! Passionate ones too! But as good as those kisses were, they weren't from the right person. Not at all.

    So I sit where you are but wondering more about the man underneath and our compatibility and not so much the kissin'...although that is certainly very important.

    Hugs and love to you my friend.

  9. you know what this post made me think? hell's bells girl, go kiss a guy! who says the guy has to do the kissing? nothing, that's what! maybe find a guy on the cruise and plant one on him! they have singles meet and greets!

    smiles, bee

  10. See Miss Bee left you a wonderful comment before and today she's done it again. She's right you know. Just saying.

    Have a terrific day. Big hugs from foggy California. :)

  11. As we discussed, it's been a six year drought here as well since the last friend with benefits, departed. Up until then quite frankly I was spoiled rotten by some truly neat men. Now in my latter 60s, I'm not expecting Prince Charming to beat down the door so If I want kisses, I'll have to go hunting.

    Empress Bee is right, you gotta get out there doing things you enjoy with or without a partner. If you are having fun (with or without kisses), they will find you to have fun with them.

  12. You wrote the last post just before I met you and I remember talking about it once we did meet. I think it was only then that I really realised what the men that are 'not' jumping your bones are truly missing out on. Which is the chance to be with an awesome lady.

    I hope you get the opportunity to snog someone's face off soon!

  13. Believe it or not... right now I can kind of relate. Yes, I am married. To a great guy for 2 years now. But we're in some kind of post baby drought. I keep getting denied and it hurts. So while I haven't had 8 years to think on it, I can relate to the desire to just feel attractive to someone, loved by someone deeply. I do pray for you to find what you're looking for, but at the same time am reminded that sometimes, Unanswered Prayers are God's plan, too.

  14. I haven't been doing a whole lot of "snogging" myself lately. I get a whole lot of slobbery dog kisses, though.
    It's hard to bare your soul but it requires a lot of bravery. I think you got a whole lot of wonderful advice and support. Just maybe the cruise ship will be carrying that knight in shining armour. I certainly pray it will be so!

  15. I remember that post Linda. I agree with what Lois says in her comment - take a chance honey and meet some new people - invest in you.

    I am a very lucky woman having MWM - we kiss a lot.

  16. Delightful. I've seen Mary in concert. Hope she comes to Britain soon.

  17. I've always been amazed that you're still single b/c you're an amazing person. I could elaborate on that, but I won't for now-but it's true. You're terrific and I think that any man would be lucky to have you. Any chance you'll take a leap and do the online dating thing? Or how about speed dating? You could bring along one of your cakes. :)

    PS. I miss you!

  18. Hey chickie, if I was a guy, I would date ya!! hehe I so get what you're saying in this post, though. I'm married and I live with my husband although we've been "separated" the last 9 years or so. We live our own lives and although I cook and clean for him, that's all there is. So, yes, I do miss being kissed passionately and even just held on a daily basis. I have Steve in my life but with him living over a 3 hour drive away, we only see each other once every 2 or 3 months, a bit more often in the summer time. It's all the days in between that I miss him so much!! I read all the other comments and you got some really good suggestions there...go for it:-) xoxo


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