Those of you who have been with me on this blog for some time are probably quite aware that I walk around with a hole in my heart and have been doing so for years. I don't think about the guy who put it there too much these days (oh thank goodness!) but he's someone I still love and always will. He can't be with me and I can't be with him but for awhile there we were together and it was that sort of heart-in-your-mouth, forget-to-breathe kind of love that has probably inspired more sad songs than anything else when it goes wrong.
Anyhow, long story short it did go wrong and not being a songwriter or musician myself I turned to the help of those who could in one of the saddest genres of music out there - country. The CD in question has 18 songs that put into words what my heart was feeling and I'm sure I listened to it endlessly until I finally sucked it up, pulled myself together, and put the music of my life away where I completely forgot about it until last night when I pulled it out and decided to see just how angsty I was at the time.
Wow, I'm surprised I was upright and functioning and not taking copious amounts of anti-depressants at the time! However, I can assure you that I wasn't and that today I can listen to these songs with merely a twinge of sadness and regret for what might have been but never was rather than climbing back into a large pit of darkness and despair and pulling the covers back over my head.
Life goes on, hearts sort of heal, and even though you never really forget that you have a hole in your heart, you get on with life. Of course with that said, the song at the bottom of this pile still applies from time to time though thankfully those times are further and further apart. I no longer need to burn CDs labeled "Angst" to sum up my life and can now just enjoy the music for what it is - good music by good artists who got me through a tough patch in my life.