Saturday, August 19, 2006

Statistically speaking ...

Working long 16-hour shifts on Saturdays, Jen and I often have plenty of time to watch bad TV (you know, there's really not much that's good on the box on Saturdays no matter how many channels you might get!) or have long, philosophical discussions about the truly important things in life. Things like the future of Norwich, various child-raising anecdotes, are we ever going to be able to afford to retire, and the all important - what are we having for lunch?

One of the topics that came up today was the question - if, after being a two-parent family, you found yourself a single parent how long do you think it would be before you threw yourself into another relationship? Obviously when you have children to consider, it's not the same as being a single person on the prowl for a new significant other. You have to take into consideration things that you don't give too much of a thought to when single: How will the new partner get along with your child/ren? How financially stable is he/she? How willing is he/she to get into a relationship with more than one person as obviously you're a package deal now. And how will your child/ren feel about you bringing home someone new?

In doing some research on
divorce and remarriage, I came across the statistic that "75% of all divorced people re-marry, half of them within three years." Further research showed that the median number of years people wait to remarry after their first divorce was 3.3 years for males and 3.1 years for females. I waited over nine years before entering into my second marriage and am going on four years into divorce #2 while Jen waited a whopping eight months before saying "I do" to her second husband so obviously neither of us fit into the published statistics!

We eventually came to the conclusion that it really was a personal and individual decision and had to be hinged on a large number of factors. Jen felt that one of the most important was how the marriage ended to begin with. If your heart was totally broken (been there, done that, own the t-shirt in several colors) or whether the marriage had ended long before it officially ended (been there, too!) would probably have a lot to do with your decision on when to get back into another relationship. Healing rates are obviously different for every person and would have to be factored in.

What do you think? Do you think a person should be a lot more cautious in entering another relationship - lead with your head and not with your heart? Or do you think that it doesn't really matter? That your heart will know what and when is best?


Just as some more food for thought: the median duration of second marriages that end in divorce is: Males: 7.3 years and Females: 6.8 years - which is only 6 months less for males in a first marriage and 1.2 years for females. Things that make you go hmmm...

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3 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:10 AM EDT

    I was divorced for 2 1/2 months while Mike was divorced 4 days. Going on 5 yrs. of wonderful this Christmas Eve! I was married to the first one 10 yrs, seperated for a yr and and 2 months.

    KAC

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  2. Interesting question. Childeren should definately come first in any decision - no matter how old they are. Your children are living, breathing parts of you, and they represent your future far more than "Mr/Ms Maybe" ever will. For that reason alone, caution is a must. Listening to your heart over your head is for younger, first loves. Remember, your heart is already attatched to your child/ren, so all you have left is your head - use it wisely. Speaking of your head - remember this also: keep it turned the other way, and "Mr. Right" will find ya!

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  3. It is my opinion that your heart will lead you to whats right at that point in time. However, common sense keeps you from persuing something that your children disagree with. Maybe the real question should be how many children are born into "loveless" marriages or relationships to begin with? I am willing to bet that those stats will show that the majority of people are not letting common sense or their heart lead the way.

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