Sunday, December 17, 2006

"Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have you gone away? ... " ~ Faith Hill

So, here it is just one week before Christmas and I have yet to do any Christmas shopping with the exception of only two things. I'm not sure whether I should be proud of that accomplishment or terrified by it!

Considering that I declared back in November - or was it October? - that I wasn't really planning on celebrating Christmas this year the lack of shopping on my end comes as no surprise whatsoever. I just haven't been able to get excited about the holiday season this year and that's probably the result of a couple of factors - first and foremost being the fact that Jamie is not coming home for the holidays this year and the other being my total disgust with the commercialism of Christmas. The combination of the two has just put me right out of the holiday spirit this year.

That's not to say that I haven't done a little decorating around the house - I hung garland, took my little 2-foot pre-illuminated tree out of its box & plugged it in, and set my favorite Christmas angels out on the entertainment center. I hung my blue & white icicle lights on the front porch and put the illuminated deer that bobs his head up and down in the front yard. From all appearances, if you were to look at my house, you would probably think that I was, in fact, celebrating Christmas this year but as they say "looks can be deceiving".

For the first time in probably 30 years I have not written out and mailed Christmas cards, with the exception of two to Jamie and one to my former grandmother-in-law in California; I've not baked a single Christmas cookie and I used to love to bake all types of Christmas cookies; and I don't believe that there is a smidgen of wrapping paper in the house should I actually break down and buy some gifts - which is still open for debate.

If someone had asked me even a short three years ago if I would ever NOT want to celebrate Christmas, I would have told them that they were crazy. I have always loved Christmas - I love the sights of lights on people's houses, I love the smells, I love the sounds of Christmas carols, I love the way that people seem to treat each other better, I love the foods that you can only get this time of year ... at least I used to. Now, I would just love for it to all go away but ... at the same time ... I miss Christmas ... I miss the Christmases that I used to know as a kid myself and the Christmases that I used to know when my own kids were younger. I just don't know where they went to.

Oh well, I've still got a week to find the magic of Christmas or for it to find me ...

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