Sunday, February 10, 2008

Manic Monday - Heart

Morgen's Manic Monday this week gave us the word heart so let's see where mine takes us, shall we?

"Love is a many splendord thing, Love lifts us up where we belong, All you need is Love."
- Christian to Satine in Moulin Rouge
Way back in the dark ages, when I was a kid, I used to think that a person couldn't really have a broken heart because your heart wasn't what you loved someone with - you loved someone with your head. I was a firm believer in all emotions originating and residing in a person's brain and not any other part of one's body and that's all there was to it. For someone who had never had their heart broken, it made perfect sense.

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
- Charlie Brown

In my teenage years I went through your standard angsty heartbreak episodes a couple of times but even though I thought that every song that told of a broken heart was written just for me and I was going to die several times over, I obviously survived to fall in love another day.

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light."
- Jean Giraudoux

When my first marriage broke up, I got to experience firsthand the first inkling of a real honest-to-goodness broken heart as I was quite devastated when my husband told me that "there were too many single women out there" for him to be a husband and father. Ouch. Still, I had gotten married at the ridiculously young age of 19 and when he left myself and our 6-month old son to go out in search of a good number of those single women I was only 23 and still had the resilience of youth. It took awhile to get over the rejection and hurt but I managed to and became a better person for the experience - or at least so I'd like to think!

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
- Christian, Moulin Rouge
A few other relationships came and went before I met "the one" - the guy I could have happily spent the entirety of my life with, the guy who was my other half, the guy who finished my sentences or me his, the Yin to my Yang, the one person who completed me. People talk of soul mates and I'm sure that for me, he was/is.

"You complete me."
- Jerry to Dorothy in Jerry Maguire
When I fell in love with him it was with more than just my brain - it was with every single fiber of my being, every single nerve ending in my body, every single bit of my mind, my soul, and my heart. There was not a single part of me that this man did not touch and I finally understood what all of the brouhaha was about when it came to love and going to the ends of the earth and back or giving everything you had for that one special person. It was the most intense feeling I've ever felt second only to the even more intense feeling when the heart that I had given to this man was handed back to me in tiny little pieces.

"I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too."
- Missy Altijd
My love for this man had taken me from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows and the pain was incredible. The pain touched every single fiber of my being, every single nerve ending in my body, every single bit of my mind, my soul, and my heart. While my mind cried out in anguish, my chest hurt from the very real pain of what I knew was my heart breaking as I can still remember standing there with my hand pressed to my chest while it hurt - it physically hurt.
"Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking."
- The Tin Woodsman, The Wizard of Oz
broken heart
My heart didn't just crack as it had in the past, it broke wide open and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to put it back together again much like all the King's horsemen and all the King's men must have felt when looking at Humpty Dumpty smashed in pieces all over the ground. I was a devastated mess but eventually I was able to pull myself back together and go on with my life. Until I gave my patched-together heart back to the same man - two more times.

"If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer: because it was he, because it was I."
- Michel de Montaigne
The second time was less than a year after the first - the third time was 16 years after that. Time may, in fact, heal all wounds but when you allow the scar to be ripped open again even 17 years later it hurts just as bad, if not worse, than the first time. Each time it happened I can remember holding my hand to my chest and wondering how it was that the pain could be centered there instead of in my head when love was an emotion and not a tangible, physical thing that one could touch.

"They say that time heals all wounds but all it's done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you."
- Ezbeth Wilder
"But why?", you might ask. "Why put yourself through that kind of pain not once or twice but three times?" I've asked myself that very same question many times and what comes to mind is a line from the poem An Essay On Man written by Alexander Pope in 1733 where he writes, "Hope springs eternal in the human breast ..." combined with a simple statement once made by Woody Allen, "The heart wants what the heart wants."
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One."
- Seth speaking of Maggie in City of Angels
Sad but true and I shamefully admit that I would put my heart through that particular wringer yet again if the opportunity ever presented itself in this lifetime. Now, before you call me every manner of fool consider this - Have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Have you ever loved someone so much you can't get him or her out of your head no matter the time passed or distance apart? Have you ever loved someone so much that your life feels incomplete without them?

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
We put ourselves through a lot of self-tortures during the course of our lives and love and heartbreak are probably two of the biggest but even with the pain, it is so worth it. Yes, I have been hurt badly but I have also felt the most incredible happiness ever by loving this one person and I'd like to think that the happiness still outweighs the sadness. God willing maybe someday the obstacles that keep us apart will no longer be there but even if that never happens I have the memories and I will never lose those.
" What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose."
- Henry Ward Beecher
If you're lucky enough to be with the love of your life - tell him or her so. If you aren't - why not? What's holding you back? Life is too short. Don't waste it.

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
- Barbara DeAngelis

22 comments:

  1. Wow, three times? I can't imagine.

    I've come to the conclusion that real love is not a feeling, or an emotion. I have posted on this. I believe it.

    Love is a Verb.

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  2. I´d like to thank you so much for this wonderful post from the bottom of my heart, Linda. It´s one of the most beautiful posts I´ve ever read. thank you for opening up to us in this way. ♥

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  3. I'm with Sanni. This is a beautiful post, Linda.
    You show that life does indeed go on, despite multiple heartbreaks.
    I feel for you and the pain you have gone through.

    I hope writing and sharing this much about yourself has helped you.

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  4. Wow! What a beautiful post... Straight from the heart...

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  5. they are right honey, it IS a lovely post...

    smiles, bee
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  6. it is a very nice post, and I am lucky cause I did tell my love how I feel.

    I did have a heart break or two along the way, I can still remember the little red head girl in the first grade, my best friend (willard) and I both had a crush on her and he won, that sucks. I do not remember her name......

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  7. what a beautiful, sensitive post. it speaks volumes...

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  8. What a wonderful post Linda. I found my soul mate and true love and I tell him every single day how much I care for him. Very well done. Have a great MM. :)

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  9. This is such a beautiful post! I am with the man I love dearly and he knows it. It got rough back in 05 when he decided to stray...I seriously couldn't imagine life without him. I cried a lot and prayed alot too. Luckily he saw that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. That serious bump in the road has made our relationship stronger though. Thanks for a wonderful post.

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  10. I had my heart broken at the tender age of 14, but 8 years later he mended it again and has cherished it ever since. I'm so lucky. A beautiful post Linda I'm just so sorry the person who broke your heart hasn't mended it for you. x

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  11. After wiping away tears from your post, I'm laughing reading Sarge's comment about Willard and the Little Red Haired Girl...
    Love your quotes!


    mo

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  12. A beautifully romantic post. One for my Quality List.

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  13. This is a beautifully written post, Linda. I held my breath until the end as you told your story between each handpicked quote. Thank you for sharing. I hope you get to one day soon share this with him.

    When it all boils down to it, you are so right......Love is love is love. And as I've said many times...that's really all that matters.

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  14. Holy moly, Linda.
    Yes, I have my love before me each day. I tell him. I am thankful for him. My heart was broken (and it DID hurt!) the day Angel died. I finally understood why some people actually die of a broken heart.
    Much love,
    Pinky

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  15. Having had the pleasure (really-not sarcastic at all, for real!) of meeting you several times in person, I can honestly say"

    "What kind of jackass would NOT pick you?"

    That is all.

    I <3 You

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  16. Mags, he's a jackass of the sort that hasn't the courage to follow his heart, nor to let those he loves follow their own without artifice or falsehood.

    As always,Linda, you amaze me. Would that I wrote so well.

    He doesn't deserve you; because of that, you don't deserve him--you deserve far better. The dilemma lies in that you want not what you deserve, but what you love.

    I'd wish that his own heart would collapse under the weight of his cruelty, but that would break yours for good--and again, he's not worth it. Sigh.

    There is no solace in knowing that he lives with a false heart, but at least you have the dignity of knowing that YOUR heart has never lied. My heart hopes only for the day when you meet the lucky and deserving man who can make this up to you.

    I'ts too late to work on my own quote, so I'll pull out an easy and obvious one, courtesy of Messrs. Garcia, Lesh, Weir, Hunter
    (collectively, the majority of the Grateful Dead) "What a long, strange trip it's been".

    PS for Lt. Ghost: life is too short and none of us are getting any younger. It gets harder to fool oneself as we age. Misery makes for a cold and lonely old age. Even you (perhaps) don't deserve that.

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  17. Sorry, but since the brain went to the Grateful Dead I got the darned song stuck in my head, and before logging off I thought I'd come back and post the more relevant lyric just for Lt. Ghost.

    Oye, Oye, He Who Readeth Much But Sayeth Nada:

    "Most of the cats that you meet on the streets speak of true love,

    Most of the time they're sittin' and cryin' at home.

    One of these days they know they better get goin'

    Out of the door and down on the streets all alone.

    Truckin', like the do-dah man
    once told me "You've got to play your hand"

    Sometimes your cards ain't worth a dime, if you don't lay'em down"

    Citation above, and enough said.

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  18. wow what a post.

    I am with my other-half, my spiritual split-apart, my best friend. and I do tell him. It's a wonderful gift to be cherished.

    My advice is if you can't be with Mr Right, then go look for Mr Right Now.

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  19. Linda, this was an excellent post. I'm lucky to be with my soul-mate. Unfortunately, I've done some stupid stuff that has cause us to lose ground in our relationship. We are working hard to put it back together.

    Thank you for sharing in a way that really made you vulnerable. I've got a little something for you over at my blog when you have a minute to stop by.

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  20. Fabulous and thought provoking.
    Best wishes

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  21. wonderful post..It's taken me many years to figure out that you only know what true love is when it happens..if your not sure then it hasn't happened...I think I am in the last category...but there is always hope...:))

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  22. Hey - thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate the comments. I've been wondering if I suffer from that Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder...certainly feel SAD alot. Thanks again. I've added you to my reader!

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