Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Royal Dilemma

"To hug or not to hug? That is the question!
Whether tis nobler to approach thy Queen with arms flung wide
Or humbly approach on bended knee and by such groveling not offend thee? ..."

Oh dear. I am afraid that I am quite unprepared to meet with Queen Mimi tomorrow evening as I have no clue whatsoever of what is expected of me when first meeting someone of royal personage. Do I curtsy? Do I bow? Do I allemande left and allemande R, go right and left and form a star; shoot that star to the heavens whirl, go right and left to the second girl? Allemande left and allemande G – right and left and turn back three? Allemande left and the ladies star – the men run around the outside bar? Then allemande left and the men all star – girls run around but not too far? Oh my Lord I'm so confused! What do I do??

If I were my daughter, I'd no doubt run up and - forgetting all propriety, pomp and circumstance, and respect for personal space - wrap the Queen in a huge bear hug. I, however, am a lot more reserved than my pink-and-blue haired teenager who gives hugs away much like the orange-toga'd Hare Krishnas used to give away tracts in airports.

Speaking of airports, the 1980 movie Airplane!, which was a spoof on airline disaster movies, to this day remains one of my all-time favorite comedies and is one that I can watch over and over without ever getting tired of it. The first time I watched it was with my first husband at a small theater in Southern California. I remember that "It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit ..." But surely I digress. Yes, yes, I have digressed and need to stop calling myself Shirley. I need to get back on vector, Victor ... I was writing a post but now there's something I can't remember! My post! What is it? It's a story of sorts that can be made out of words or pictures or both and published on a blog for other people to read but that's not important right now!

Oh dear, I seem to have lost all control of this post, haven't I? Hold on while I snap myself out of this ... {{removes self from computer and takes a walk around the house}} ... Whew! Okay, that's better ... now, where was I? Oh yes, proper etiquette for meeting a Queen (even if she is merely a self-proclaimed Queen of Memes or one who became Queen when some watery tart threw a sword at her while walking past the pond on the Bloggingham grounds one day!). Ut-oh, there I go again ...

Anyway ... if anyone can help me out with the proper Meeting-of-the-Queen etiquette before 4:00 p.m. tomorrow evening I would really appreciate it! I really don't wish to embarrass myself before the first true member of royalty I've ever met though I'm sure that even if I don't embarrass myself by failing to make proper introductions, I'll no doubt manage to do so when I keep staring at her face and wondering where on earth the other half is!

Oh, and before I forget, the Queen has granted me permission to interview her during the course of our meeting tomorrow night so if there's anything you'd like me to ask her for you then please feel free to leave me that question in a comment. I promise to make sure that Queen Mimi is not merely talking out of the side of her mouth and gives me the straight answer, in spite of the fact she only has one side of her mouth to talk out of, and will publish those answers in another post either Friday or Saturday. So, anything you'd like me to ask Her Royal Majesty for you? Any complaints you'd like me to carry forth in the hopes that she sentences me to the dungeon and not you for having had the impertinence of asking? I just hope she remembers not to kill the messenger ... perhaps I picked a bad week to give up sniffing glue?

Anyway, while you think on what you'd like to ask the Queen, I'm going to go practice my do-si-dos and maybe have Amanda give me some hugging lessons! After I watch this movie trailer, that is!


  1. Anonymous10:14 PM EDT

    hee hee, you're crazy, Linda!

  2. Hey it's been a while since my last visit. Odat tagged me with your Make A Wish meme and it reminded me of what a great blog you have.

    My only advise would be to make sure you have a skeleton key hidden in your shoe. Those dungeons can be tricky to get out of otherwise.

    Long live the Queen!


  3. I can really understand your dilemma, Linda. I have served Royals and dignitaries from a few countries in my time, and each time it is very nerve racking--believe me. But relax, take a deep calming breath, and don't check your zipper when they are on final approach. Do that way way earlier--trust me. And as for hugging, or what to say, or the like, let the Queen take the lead and follow through.
    But who am I to talk, I am the only real occupant of Bloggingham dungeon, life sentenced, and maybe I am in dire need of good company.

    Funny, funny post Linda.
    I know you'll have a great time, and wish Mimi the best. (Yes, I'm groveling for a week-end pass, or was it a conjugal visit. Time plays tricks with your mind in the dungeon.)

  4. well, you might let her know all about the meme I'm tagging you with...........

  5. sll i can say is you picked a hellufa time to stop smoking crack! ha ha ha

    smiles, bee

  6. It looks like the little walk around house helped :o)
    I love Airplane!, too: "And then I started to have a problem with drinking" ha ha ha, I just cannot stop laughing...
    Oh, the proper etiquette. Wear your hat and follow her lead, do not say anything until asked... Have fun and I expect a full report when you get back.

  7. You gave up glue sniffing?

    Airplane is one of my favourite films of all time!

    Remember you should only speak to a Queen if she requires an answer and address her as MAM not Maaaam!

    Good Luck. :)

  8. Anonymous12:27 PM EDT

    Will Comedy News Central be on the scene to tape your historic royal meeting? ;-)

  9. Airplane is a great movie!

    Good luck meeting the Queen. I have no advice, as I end up being one of those people who just feels like a complete idiot meeting anyone new. Did I say the right thing? Did I say the wrong thing? Is there something in my teeth?

    You get the idea.

  10. I loved Airplane. Thanks for the multiple laughs. I have no advice concerning Mimi. I think everything will be just fine. Really. Have a great time. :)

  11. Tis a funny post, my lady. Terribly funny, daresay.

    I would have no clue how to act around royalty. None whatsoever.

  12. Just practice your curtsey!

  13. You are in fine form! This was hilarious.

    Now pull yourself together girl! You have a Queen to meet later!

  14. Taking a cue from The King and I - ones head is not allowed to be higher than the queen's. As to behavior

    Yes your majesty
    No your majesty
    Tell us how low to go
    your majesty

    Don't let us off of our knees
    your majesty
    Give us a kick if you please
    your majesty
    Give us a kick if you would
    your majesty
    That felt good, your majesty

  15. I would practice genuflecting in a mirror....and make sure you are up to date on all her memes....

    and based on her recent exploits I would make sure you have some bail money set aside....just in case

  16. Anonymous8:08 PM EDT

    trust your inutition!

  17. Hey Linda, it's me again! I got tagged for a cool meme and now I'm passing the torch onto you :o)))) Hope the meeting went well...

  18. Anonymous5:53 AM EDT

    I really like that picture with free hugs :)

  19. I so enjoyed our meeting, Linda (and the unknown Princess wherever you are....)! Details - and photos - forthcoming on my blog. As soon as I exchange a few emails with you first. Hint hint.

    You have a lovely curtsey!!
    But please don't tell about the artificial flowers. I beg you.


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